There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
