I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
pray to the hookup gods
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
