im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize