look no pants
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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