mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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