everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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