turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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