I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
