I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
