saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize