Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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