the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize