If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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