i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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