Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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