This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
