dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
