FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
