VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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