ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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