My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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