respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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