Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just google imaged poop.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
