We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
this hospital has no fireball
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
