You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So many bounce houses so little time
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
