Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
