I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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