there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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