I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
