Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
