There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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