I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
