I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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