his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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