Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
