WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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