cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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