wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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