my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
