pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
