she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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