and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize