I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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