i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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