dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
