yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
