I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
