i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The uberlube is also flammable
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
