its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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