Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
