So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
