I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Randomize
