I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This toilet bowl is my home.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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