and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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