Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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