She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think I sprained my soul last night
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
