i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
