sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
