He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
