Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
