I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
