remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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