Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
