Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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