If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
