Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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