Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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