YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
