Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
