i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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