just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I deserve to be covered in dicks
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
