so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
