It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize