I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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